Saturday, August 28, 2010

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being." Carl Jung

My shadow is boxing with my reality and blocking the sun from lighting my path into my future. Those dark sides of myself that reach out slimy, creepy tentacles stretch farther than I can imagine. They cheat when they box with my life because they wrap those slinky limbs around my essence and choke the life out of it until I take notice. There's no fighting with them, there's only turning on the light of awareness to flood them into the closet until the next time I am not vigilant and the sun sets into my darkness. I look back with regret at those things I did not savor and swirl amidst my taste buds and revel in the beauty of. I now sit at a crossroads of longing to go back but knowing what is behind me no longer "is" – it is now something different. There is no going back, there is only moving forward and claiming my right to be me without amendments to satisfy any others in my life. No more "yes, I'll change and be what you want, just please take me with you." It is now as Abraham says "I be what I be. I'm working on being better, but I be what I be." I stand in my own footprint of life and ask that you travel beside me. Not you in my footprints, nor I in yours. But our footprints traveling along paths leading in the same direction with twists and turns that may separate us for awhile, but eventually lead us back to the same road, where once again, we savor the delicious moments of being together. And when I disappear for awhile, know that I have traversed emotional nightmares and battled beleaguered monsters that never tire of hiding in the undergrowth to pounce when I least expect it. Those are times when I may call out and ask for your shelter...and to please hold me for a little while so I can refuel and head out again. Damn these dark paths that lead me to unknown places laden with fears that I must wade through their thick murky muddy waters until I can come back into the light and once again smile in joy and relief.  And see you.

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